My Big Wedding Trip to Windsor

Bound by secrecy I couldn’t reveal last week that my wife and I had received an invitation to THE WEDDING. How such an invite came winging its way to Waterford is a long, convoluted story but I guess they needed a few working chaps to mix in with the Hooray Henrys.
Incidentally, much has been made of the fact that Meghan is of mixed race but, according to Royal historians, Queen Charlotte, wife of King George III, belonged to a dark-skinned branch of the Portuguese royal family that had its roots in Africa.
The wedding was televised non stop from start to finish and every newspaper and magazine in the world was there so there’s nothing new I can tell you about the actual ceremony and who was and wasn’t there.

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex were in fine form at their Windsor Wedding.

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex were in fine form at their Windsor Wedding.

Tales from the private party

But as one of the few invited to the late night, private bash at Frogmore House (also on the Windsor estate) you might be interested to know what really went on behind closed doors.
By now everybody knows that Harry and Meghan had their first dance to Whitney Houston’s ‘I Wanna Dance With Somebody’ and that was fine but later there were some boring soul tracks that seemed to go on and on forever. It seems the happy couple just love soul music but a lot of it was mind numbing.
Mind you, there were some nice surprises. Val Doonican’s ‘Walk Tall’ was featured in one jive set and, in the middle of a Bob Dylan selection, on came Don Duggan and The Savoy Showband’s excellent version of ‘I’ll Be Your Baby Tonight’. Where did they get that?
Prince Charles and Camilla dropped in to say ‘Hello’ but it was clear they couldn’t wait to get out of the place quick enough. “Don’t forget to play something from The Three Degrees,” he shouted over his shoulder as he left and the crowd responded with a big, dirty cheer. The Duchess didn’t look happy at the reminder that her husband was once rumoured to have had an affair with one of The Degrees.
Also present and seated not far from us were Rolling Stones Keith Richards and Charlie Watts and their wives. All the celebs were queuing up for selfies even though guests had been strictly instructed to leave mobiles at home. I complied, fool that I was. Charlie kept his usual straight face throughout the evening but Keith seemed to be sneering at a lot of the music played although, in fairness, that might be his natural look.

A Noble Call

With a few bevvies under their belts some of the celebs decided to try their hand at DJ-ing and a right bags they made of it too. George Clooney kept looking at the knobs and faders saying “How does this work?’ to good humoured jeers from the crowd.
Actually, it was a passable enough evening until the sing-song started. James Corden took on the role as MC and, no doubt influenced by his regular visits to Ireland, kept shouting for a ‘noble call’ and ‘one voice only’ as some people kept talking during the performances.
To be honest, the noble call never really got going. When Harry sang his version of ‘The Galway Girl’ and when Meghan sang ‘Nancy Spain’ there was a good bit of hush but other than that it was lame enough.
A very glamorous woman sitting next to us who might have been the Duchess of something or other thought I was a racehorse trainer and kept talking to me about mares and breeding. I told her several times I knew nothing about horses but she just turned to my wife and said “Isn’t he sooo charming, I can’t understand a word he says.”

Some nice Irish songs!

The only sour note that I was aware of came when George Clooney (His Aunt was the 60s singer Rosemary Clooney and he also has a very good voice) sang ‘Raglan Road’. Everything was going well and the crowd quietened down until Princess Eugenie was heard to say in a loud, complaining voice: “He’s got the words wrong, I’ve heard that bloody song hundreds of times at parties in Temple Bar.”
There was a moment of awkward silence until James Corden intervened with a cheery ‘Thanks George and now we’ll have a song from the Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice. “Yah, Yah, Go Girls,” shouted Harry and Meghan clapped her hands in glee. To everybody’s surprise they were good. While banging an offbeat on the tables with their hands, the Princesses sang Nathan Carter’s ‘Wagon Wheel’ in harmony and followed it up with ‘The Hucklebuck’ and a rousing ‘Come Out Ye Black and Tans’.
A stunning looking woman (might have been an actor friend of Meghan) jumped up on a table and started singing Chris de Burgh’s ‘Patricia the Stripper’ but two security staff helped her down before she really got into it. I’m not sure if they thought she really was a stripper or not but the guests seemed disappointed when she was interrupted in mid-flow.

A ‘lie-in’ thanks to Daniel

One of the biggest rounds of applause erupted when, during a quiet interlude, Harry and Meghan took to the floor and swayed closely together to Daniel O’Donnell’s ‘I Wanna Dance With You’. Years ago in The Olympia and Atlantic ballrooms, we used to call those dances ‘lie-ins’ and they were very popular!
When we left early at 4am (!) the guests, again led by Corden, were cupping their hands together to make trumpet sounds and were ‘playing’ the theme tune from ‘Coronation Street’. I might be wrong but, as we headed down the drive, I thought I heard the strains of ‘Amarillo’ and the sound of multiple feet clumping on the floor. Classy or what? Either way, I wish the newly married couple a long, healthy and happy life together.

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