Tales of the Tellurians – January 3rd 2017

An editor’s inspired choice

As we enter the New Year, I recall an incident that occurred a few years ago in a newspaper office not too far from here.

The newspaper was ready to be ‘put to bed’ and all that was missing was the front-page photograph that was to be selected from one of the many that would come in depicting the New Year celebrations.

As the photographs were not due for an hour or so, and as everything else was done, the staff retired to a nearby pub for drinks and great fun was had by all.

At the appointed time, the staff, laden down with liquid take-aways, returned to the newspaper where they joined the editor to look at the potential front-page photographs that had just arrived.

Such was the quality of the photographs, the editor was undecided until a young chap standing next to him stabbed a finger at one particular shot and exclaimed: “That’s the one, go for it boss.”

The editor immediately agreed and sent off the photograph for the front page.

Later, when the paper was on the streets and the staff were still enjoying a few celebratory drinks, the editor turned to one of his employees and asked: “Incidentally, what is the name of that young reporter who made such a good selection from the photographs.”

There was a brief silence before one of the lads replied: “Sorry Chief, he’s not a member of staff, he’s a lad we met in the bar who helped us carry the drink back to the office!”

A power worker in Japan, sent out to repair a line over the Christmas period, got more than he bargained for when he discovered an angry male chimpanzee perched near the faulty item.  The lads in the ESB would sort that out in a flash!

A power worker in Japan, sent out to repair a line over the Christmas period, got more than he bargained for when he discovered an angry male chimpanzee perched near the faulty item. The lads in the ESB would sort that out in a flash!

Powering an average size home for €10 a month!

As we enter the New Year, I have news this week about a retired farmer who has managed to reduce his electricity costs to about €10 per month and is happy to help any interested parties to do the same.

Sean Melvin, who lives in County Galway, spent about €6,000 on his equipment. However, he reckons it has more than paid for itself since he first developed his system in 2010.

He is still connected to mains electricity but he never needs to switch over in the summer months and only sometimes in the winter, hence his average monthly bill of €10.

According to Electric Ireland, the average cost of light and heating for a three-bedroomed home is about €1,200 a year.

Mind you, a person would need a bit of room around their house for this to work but there are thousands and thousands of properties on acres and half-acres that would fit the bill.

Sean has a 1kw turbine powered by three, relatively small carbon-fibre blades on a 40 foot mast that can produce 900 watts at a wind speed of 28 miles per hour.

He also has solar panels mounted on his garage roof although height is not necessary for such panels.
The trick is to store the power created by the wind and the sun and he does this in a bank of batteries stored in his garage.

The present batteries have a lifespan of about 15 years but technology is improving every year and Sean expects them to become smaller and more powerful. If interested, people can write to Sean at Derreen, Kilkerrin, County Galway.

When love’s desire is awakened

An elegant but mature lady from the Dunmore Road area went to see her doctor and confided in him that she and her husband had not been intimate for several years.

Pointing out that loving sex between elderly people was a very natural and rewarding experience, the doctor suggested to the woman that she and her husband should set aside time for themselves and try harder.

“But it’s not me, it’s my husband, he seems to have no sexual desire whatsoever,” wailed the woman.

“Aha,” exclaimed the doctor, “why didn’t you say so at the outset. I have the very thing that will work the trick”.

With that, he gave the grateful woman a packet of tablets and instructed her to give two pills to her husband before his evening meal. “You’ll be delighted with the results,” promised the doctor.

The following Monday morning, the woman returned to the doctor’s office and pleaded with him to change her husband’s prescription.

“Those pills are much too strong,” she explained. “I gave him two before dinner, just like you told me, and halfway through the meal they took effect.

“A mad, wild look came into his eyes before he jumped up and pulled the tablecloth off the table scattering the dishes and food all over the floor. Then he threw me onto the table, and made fabulous, passionate love to me for quite a long time.”

“Well, okay,” said the doctor, “he might have been a bit over the top but, surely, we have achieved what we set out to do and your love life is back on track. You should be happy.”

“That’s all very well,” said the woman, “but after Saturday night we can’t eat at the Granville anymore.”

For full story see The Munster Express newspaper or
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