There were two or three people waiting for Confession in The Cathedral of the Most Holy Trinity in Waterford city centre when an elderly man hurried up the aisle and took his place. The man smiled at everybody then sat back with a huge grin on his face.
Soon it was his turn and he entered the confession box and immediately blurted out to the priest:
“Father, I have to tell you, I’m 82 years old and last night I had the most brilliant sex with a beautiful 28-year-old and when we were finished I had sex with her equally beautiful 24-year-old sister.”
“Michael, what on earth are you doing,” asked the priest peering into the gloom of the confessional and recognising a leading member of the Church of Ireland community he served with on a number of church committees.
“It is, Father, it’s me. I just had to tell you about my night of sex,” answered an excited Michael.
“But my dear friend, this is a Catholic Church and you just can’t come to Confession and seek forgiveness on a whim,” said the priest.
“Oh no, Father, you don’t understand,” said Michael. “I’m not sorry about anything and it’s not just you, I’m telling everybody I know about last night. It was brilliant and I’m meeting them again on Friday. I’ll let you know how I get on!”
A Jewish guy goes into a confession box. “Father O’Malley,” he says, “my name is Emil Cohen. I’m 78 years old. Believe it or not, I’m currently involved with a 28 year old girl, and also, on the side, her 19-year-old sister. We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire life I’ve never felt better.”
“My good man,” says the priest, “I think you’ve come to the wrong place. Why are you telling me?” And the guy goes: “I’m telling everybody!”