chavCarI’ve been accused of having a bee in my bonnet about Stephen Ireland but some fellas just have that X-factor. X being the last letter in the alphabet for a reason.

The Cobh manchild with clearly more money than sense has outdone himself yet again by acquiring the most abominable automobile a Sheikh’s sterling can buy for his girlfriend.

The 6-litre, 198mph custom Bentley Continental convertible, a 24th birthday present for Jessica Lawlor, cost £246,000 and came complete with embroidered love hearts (containing the immortal words “To Jess Love From Stephen”) on the revolting red leather seats.

Keeping his Wag in the ‘style’ to which she has become accustomed is why Ireland seems to be so motivated by money. The most telling aspect of the 23-year-old’s recent accusations of arrogance and agendaism against the Irish management (apart from his admission that he previously pretended to be sick to avoid joining up with the national side) was his revelation: “Me and my financial adviser, who’s looked after me all my life and is someone I really trust, sat down with Trapattoni, his right-hand man and Liam Brady… we had a chat and, I guess he shouldn’t have to sell it to me. But I think he should have made some sort of effort to sell it to me, and he just never really did that.”

Every time he’s asked (and I wish people would stop asking), Ireland says he wants to be like Roy Keane. He patently thinks he’s a Rebel, styling himself on what he perceives to have been his fellow Corkman’s singular self-interest in walking out on Ireland.

Keane would be embarrassed by the comparison. Whatever you reckon about Roy, he’s has always had a touch of class. So does Stephen. I’ll let you guess which type it is.

Peter Crouch was once asked what he might be if he wasn’t a footballer. “A virgin,” he quipped.