“I’ve had a great week – reaching the milestone of one-o-nine and now one-o-10 tonight.”

– You can count on David Beckham to cap his 110th England appearance with a numerical gem.


“I’m doing this for Jack Dempsey, Rocky Marciano, Joe Louis, Muhammad Ali, Joe Frazier and all the other great, smaller heavyweights of the past. I feel as though I’ve been sent by all the great heavyweights of yesteryear to clean up and save the heavyweight division… I’m a man on a mission to save boxing from this Eastern European invasion of Ivan Drago clones.”

– David ‘Haymaker’ Haye aims to strike a blow for the small man (and Rocky IV buffs) after sealing his heavyweight title fight with Wladimir Klitschko.


“I’ve only got two words to say: Take a bow son, take a bow.”

– Andy Gray loses track after 17-year-old Federico Macheda’s Norman Whiteside-esque goal for Man Utd against Aston Villa.


“‘I’d have them doing it now – but you’d be up before the Human Rights people. It was all part of the job back then. These days, they’ve all got 4x4s and agents.”

– Harry Redknapp laments the passing of the boot-cleaning apprentice. (Not the Alan Sugar type, mind.)




“I have always considered playing for Rangers and Scotland an honour and a privilege and nothing will change that and I am bitterly disappointed by the announcement that I will not be selected for Scotland again.”

– Barry Ferguson’s on his lifetime ban (along with his club colleague Alan McGregor) for boozing and….


“I had lap-band surgery done eight weeks ago. I am waiting for the small pouch to be filled up. After that I will be eating about 1,100 calories a day for the rest of my life. I am still drinking diet Coke by the bucket. Pretty soon, I will be sipping it.”

– John Daly who was selling ‘Wild Thing’ bits ‘n’ bobs from his bus at the Masters. He’s decided to play the European Tour events, including the Irish Open, as part of his latest, surgically-enhanced comeback.